Thursday, April 21, 2005

Shame shame

I broke down today....in front of my students (3 of them). Loser, rite?? It took me two years to let out these tears. Actually, itz only recently that I'm so emotional. Coz I'm extremely tired of this job and utterly disappointed with the behaviour of those kids. Not to forget the supervisor who thinks that only Christians make good teachers there. Argh.

Today din start off well for me. Had to discipline all the naughty boys of my class at least 3 times. Got back my voice after medication. Now...GONE, thanks to them! I tolerated...and tolerated!

At the end of the day, my colleague came by to ask me to discipline her student who used a extremely vulgar word on his classmate. I took the boy to my class and started asking him why he used that word. I questioned him, explained why is it wrong to use vulgar language blah blah... and all I got was his disgusting attitude. He rolled his eyes, didn't dare to look at me, talked back at me with the most heck care tone. Still, I was patient and gentle (that's a very rare adjective on me).

He wanted to go home, I deliberately stalled his time. After 20 mins, I asked him if he is willing to repent and change. "NO!" was the firm reply I received. Why so? Coz he said he feel happy saying those vulgarities. Yet he doesn't even know the meaning of those words. Hey, I know the meaning of the vulgarities when I used them when I was in P6. And this boy is P3 for God's sake.

Truly speaking, I'm not upset over the vulgarity hoo-ha, rather, itz the change I've observed from this boy. He is no longer the innocent boy who would sit on my lap to tell me what has happened to him in school or who is his latest love interest. Juz by mixing with the most devilish bongz from the P3 lot....this boy has lost his self. That devil is really abhoring!

Anywayz, I cried when the boy put on a struggle. He cried...I cried along. How lame. And when he saw my tears gushed out like broken dam, he softened. Said he was willing to change. Then I realised what "Tears are girls' best weapon" means. Heh. I dunno how true the boy's promise is. I choose to believe him anyway. Maybe itz juz going to be another disappointment. Disappointment is never new to me.

Twice, tears ever wanted to roll out of my eyes when I disciplined the students. I managed to hold back. Maybe today's was the last straw. I've printed my resignation letter early this year. I only have to sign my name, write the date, stay for another month and I'd be free! I carry that letter everyday to work, k? I chose not hand that in bcoz of my students. They are my motivation. Not anymore I tink.

To tink about it, itz really foolish of me to cry. So weak! Shame shame...

PiGz ^(oo)^ _{12:01 am}

About Me

Nickname: Baby Pig
DOB: 20 Nov
Loves: piggin' out, sleeping, singing, shopping, reading, travelling,
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